the new me

Let me start by saying I have always been a fatkid. I don’t mean to offend anyone but I have always carried extra weight, it is what it is. I am genetically doomed to be big boned and I have come to love food and alcohol hence the fatkid status. Well I decided to get a new general physician this year and made my first visit to his office a few days after my 35th birthday. I got onto the scale and was floored, I knew my pants seemed a little bit tighter but I had a 12 pound increase from my “normal” weight. My blood pressure was also elevated. I told the doctor he didn’t know what he was doing and he disagreed. I checked it the next few days at work and I must admit he was correct and it was elevated. Which reminds me I do need to check it again.

Luckily I have some pretty amazing friends and an opportunity came up to join a weight lose challenge. I decided I needed to go all in and change my ways before the scale continued to increase along with my blood pressure. Products were ordered and a date was set to start. We met at the Drehmer’s for weigh in, measurements, daily packages, food list, and then we even went shopping for our healthy food.


If you know me then you know my diet consists of pizza, bud light, diet pepsi, crystal light, peanutbutter, nutella, drive through food, bar food, and hospital food.   I would binge eat when I got home from work, eat in bed, and mostly because I was bored

With this challenge I ate a ton of new foods and actually enjoyed them! I found myself to be full sooner from the healthier foods. I ate 2 different kinds of fish, brussel sprouts, asparagus, squash, mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower and actually liked all of it! I also realized I was not hungry I was often bored or just thirsty.

I was nervous about putting this out there but here goes:


If you don’t like what you see then don’t look! I know I have a lot more inches too lose, my pale skin is glowing, and just be jealous of all my trashy tattoos. I love me and I am what I am!

so  if you want to have a rockstar coach and information on Advocare24 send my dear friend Kristen an email at

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too much clutter

The last few years I have been real bad about cleaning. See I have an Eric and he is quite good at it so why not let him go to town. When I was in school for my Bachelors I would clean instead of study so the house was looking pretty good. Looking back, I guess my down fall would be the summer of 2009. I decided to take a break from school and I housework. When I signed up for grad school in 2012 Eric was excited because he thought the cleaning would start again but for some reason it did not. I found other things to do to procrastinate doing my school work. I have had good intentions to start the cleaning process then feel so overwhelmed and move on to netflix and holding my couch down.
I have finally began the process of cleaning since grad school ended in April 2014. I decided that I am in dire need of downsizing and this should help the prcoess of cleaning. I find that I tend to collect, ok maybe hoard some things. I have got piles and piles of shoes and I tend to wear the same ones. Purses spilling out of storage bins in the basement closet, and if you know me well I do not tend to carry a purse. I have book upon books collecting dust on the shelves, many I have read and still many I have not. I realized I have multiple junk drawers full of random trinkets from trips, or weird little things my friends thought I must have.

I did finally de-clutter my closet, with a giant pile of clothes now on the floor getting ready to be donated. I still have that dress I bought in Ireland back in 2009 that I worn once or that angry sweatshirt I bought in Baltimore that just makes me smile. I guess something I am not ready to let go of yet. I then moved on to my book shelves, which obviously cause a huge distraction in my multitasking brian. I began looking at the covers of some of my favorite books, causing me to ponder the idea of reading them again. Which I know I will never get around to it. Until I found a book I received a few years ago, from my mother-in-law. This book I did take the time to sit down a read again. It’s a quick read but the life changing messages. The Book in The Dash: Making a difference with your life by Linda Ellis and Mac Anderson.

The Dash
by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood up to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from beginning… to the end.

He noted the first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following dates with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For the dash represents all the time
that she spend alive on earth
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often with a smile…
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
with your life’s actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?

As I sitting here writing this random blog I realized I got distracted again (Look a squirrel), which is just what I needed. My home does not have to be perfect and I like that I could write in the dust if I wanted to. I am going to try and live my dash as best I can for I want people laughing at my expense at my funeral and remembering all the great memories we made over the years.

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We are family


I have always held my friends near and dear to my heart. They are the family that we can choose to have. I know through the years I have had some friends come and gone and even make their way back. I have also picked up a handful of new amazing people to add to my family. I know my group of friends are amazing but they went above and beyond this past week. A near dear sweet little Antionette (netty, taco, Ant) ran into a bit of a cold spell. She lost heat on the coldest week of January. She sat at home that first night in the cold huddled with her son and toughed it out. NOT once did she complain on facebook or pass her negativity on to another. She held her head high and just did what she needed to do to get shit done. 

I decided that our family of friends could possibly help. So I sent out a message with a little help from “The Boss” (Kristen). In 5 days we collected a crap load of money for our spicy little friend. In doing so we were nervous that she would be mad at us for asking others for help. We decided it’s fine she can get mad at us as long as she gets some help. We collected $1,100.

We presented the money to her last night. I do believe she was in shock. #1 because the amount of the donations and #2 because she didn’t know anything about it.

All week as the money rolled in I was overwhelmed by the amount of love this crazy group of people have for each other. It is good to know that there are people out there that do have your back and always will.

So I want to say a huge THANK YOU to my friends for being the people that you are and I am glad that I have gotten to choose you all into my family. Here is to many good times, family dinners, crazy adventures, and tough times too.   


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don’t judge me!

Contemplating about writing this post because I just don’t know what I want to say. I feel like I have been going though the motions of life the past week and a half. My heart is heavy and my emotions have been up and down. I know I have periods of negativity in my life but on a whole I would say I try and be optimistic and make the most out of any situation. To be completely honest I have never been a believer in god or a higher power. It just is hard to believe that someone or something could allow for such horrible things to happen in this world. I have always been a believer that things do happen for a reason. (I know this sounds confusing and I don’t ever think I will completely understand myself so don’t bother to analyze or judge me.) People need to experience the good and the bad in life, it is what it is.

As many of you know my four month old nephew was found unresponsive and spent 6 days in Rochester. As of now we do not know what happened and we may never know. What I do know is that my family is amazing! Through all of this heartache and stress we managed to come together and do what we needed to do. Our goal was to be there for Joe, Anjie, Abbigail, and Dylan in any way that we could. No one knows what to do in this situation but we did our best. Took turns staying at the hospital, playing with Abbigail, underwear shopping at Target (back and forth in the store), driving Strong Memorial Hospital, praying all each in our own ways, holding Dylan, and sitting in silence. Whatever was needed everyone made it happen. So I am trying to figure out why did our family have to go through this horrible event? All I can come up with is that my family could handle it. We are still trying to find our way and I am sure many days will struggle to get out of bed but we will because we have to!

I also can not believe how supportive and concerned people have been. Many people in this world just succ, but I guess that are a lot more people that really do care. My family had countless phone calls, text messages, emails, facebook messages, and cards sent by family, friends, and even strangers. We received flowers, gift cards, donations, and people even plowed our driveways while we were out of town. The line at the viewing kept going, people waiting 45 minutes outside to offer condolences.

I am going to continue to believe that things happen for a reason because that’s what gets me through difficult days. I am going to enjoy the life I have with my family and friends and not take a moment for granted.



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I Will

I have always been one to want to do a little bit of everything. The problem with this is I seem to half-ass most things in my life so I can fit it all in. I feel like I have too many hobbits yet not enough, as I always want to try something else. Over the years I have picked up a lot of different interest and wish I had enough hours in the day to do them all regularly. I miss the 4 wheeler mud runs that I would go on with my dad and brother. The girls paintball team I played with for a summer. Swimming laps in the pool feeling like it is meant to be. Rollerblading with my boys without a care of getting hurt trying to be one of the guys. Kayaking with friends down the river with limited time. Being obsessed about finding letterboxes anywhere and everywhere. Carving stamps and looking for new hiding places. Riding my bike to work in the morning without a care in the world.
For the last year I have been going to zumba and other random exercise classes a few times a week. I feel like over the past 6 months I have not been half-assing this. I enjoy going to these classes because it gets my butt moving, my heart pumping, and I now have a great group of workout friends. I have been known to be a loner at times, especially when running, but I like that I get to see my friends so often even if we are sweating our boobs off and can’t talk because we are out of breathe. We still get to spend that hour together a few times a week. I feel like we have become a team: to cheer each other on, hold one another accountable, and just have fun! I think I took this all for granted at first, since I do not have children I have to luxury of not really worrying about how I spend my time away from home. I am sure it is exhausting for parents to find the time with all their other responsibilities. I was talking to a friend one night and she told me what another friend said about going to workout. “It’s awesome to know that someone will be there, regardless of the class at least one of the girls will be there to workout.” This felt good to know that we could be that support system for a friend. Another friend mentioned last week that my life has seemed to turn into making health and fitness the core of hanging out so we can have fun later.
I am going to let it go that I half-ass many things and just get shit done from now on. No more talking about it because I will just do it! (Under Armour + Nike= priceless) I am going to make the most of my time and continue to enjoy the time with my new great circle of friends.

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I think I might have ADD

Many of you know I ran a half marathon today. Well on my run I was trying to figure myself out. I came to the conclusion that I might have a touch of ADD. I have to many crazy ideas running around in this awesome mind of mine. I started out thinking about why I was running this race with absolutely no training. True story I did not even bother to print a training schedule. Usually I do at least print it and look and do a few of the runs, nope not this time. I had a lot of excuses in my head prior to the race for not training: me knees hurt, lack of time, just didn’t give a fuck, etc….

So on this run I decided that I have too many hobbies: running, biking, swimming, paintball, kayaking, skating, drinking, zumba, aquazumba,  working, school. Just so many things I like to do that its to hard to pick one and commit to it.

Once I am out there and find my pace I really do enjoy my alone time too bad I can’t focus my thought on something constructive like school work or world peace.

Has anyone ever had pretzel M&M’s? They are AMAZING!


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sad soul

There are always events that stand out and today will ever be embeded in my mind. I was staying over at work and happend to look on MSN homepage. BREAKING NEWS: 2 EXPLOSIONS AT BOSTON MARATHON. My heart sank! When I think of the Boston marathon I think of dedication, determination, and a tradition. The Boston marathon is the oldest running anual marathon in the world. It was started in 1897 and has grown into a world wide event. The Boston marathon has qualifying standards in order to be able to run, and the best of the best lead the pack down the streets of Boston.

I am by far a consistant runner but as much as I say I hate it, my heart really does love to run. The commitment of a marathon is much more than the 26.2 miles in a single run. It requires a detailed and strict schedule in order to obtain results. Believe me I know! I have a tendounce to half ass alot of things and running is something I like to half ass. My training is sparatic: I often show up last minute for a race, and usually was out the night before or even had a few before a race (Las Vegas half marathon). I tell myself atleast I am not home on the couch. Well I did try to run a marathon a failed epically. I really learned from that FREEZING cold day in October and vow to be fully commited next time I sign up for a marathon. Ok enough about me, I got side tracked like usual!

I can not imagine why there is so much hate in the world. There are runners from 96 countries competing in the Boston marathon. Why runners? For most runners it is a life long goal to be able to run in the Boston marathon. Getting up in the ass crack of dawn to get the miles in before performing normal daily tasks. Spending money on races, travel, and running gear. Having their thighs rub raw or the nipples bleed through their shirt. Injuries that could hault their running. Mental walls, that stop a runner in their tracks. All that sounds appeal huh? Well I know their is a running high and it is worth the bleeding nipples and wearing a boot to bed (plantar fascitis).

Bombing the finish line of a marathon just does not make sense. I know all bombing do not make sense but for some reason this hits me hard today. The families that stand for hours waiting to see a glimpse of the loved one running by to show support.
I just read that an 8 year old is confirmed dead.

Sorry for my random thoughts, I just thought I needed to say something.

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