not a warrior flamingo any more

As most of you I made some big changes in my life. All happening at the same time. I am really questioning my decisions right now. School has got me down and out. I feel totally lost and really just dont give a fuck. It is totally my fault for getting so behind. The class is only 5 weeks, so procrastination is really not an option. I am not sure why I thought it would be different and I cant even explain how different. I know it is going to be hard and challenging, why wouldnt it be? It is Masters program! Duh, if it were easy more people would go. The thing is as I sit here practing my presentation I feel akward and uneasy. I really cant see myself standing in front of a class lecturing. So why I am going to school for my Masters in nursing Eductaion? Who the Fuck knows! I guess I thought it was better than nothing. I feel like the things I am learning dont fit my type of nurse I guess I want to be. I am hands on, thats how I learn. Theories are not going to get me anywhere. I must see and then do. I went to school for what seemed forever but my best education was D3 night shift, my co-workers were my mentors. I learned what real nurses do. So I guess I am getting to the fact that I am not sure I will be continiung my education. I feel like I would rather enjoy my life then sit stressing in front of a comupter, which by the way broke on Sunday sending  me into full panic mode, for hours staring at the same screen hoping by the grace of budlight something will make sense and an APA style paper will come flowing out.

Any thoughts?

So many fun things I could be doing on Wednesday nights instead of class:

  • trivia (see I could learn new things)
  • watching random TV shows
  • visiting family & friends
  • playing darts
  • flying a kite
  • reading a funny book
  • writing stupid blogs
  • shopping @ Aldi’s
  • watching a movie
  • running on the treadmill
  • talking to my mom

1 Comment

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One response to “not a warrior flamingo any more

  1. Because you said you would do this. No other reason. If you say you are going to do something, you do it… plain and simple. I am in the same boat as you. I am behind in class, I am struggling with theories that I have no interest in knowing or learning but god dammit I am going to finish this fucking Masters program because I said I would and we don’t quit things just because they are not easy.

    You don’t have to teach, you can get your Masters just to have and to give yourself more opportunity later in life. This is all temporary and will be over in 18 months. 18 months is not that long. Sacrifices are going to have to be made, but nothing in life worth doing comes easily. Everything that has a major reward also has a major sacrifice… whether that be your social life, your courage, your comfort. Everything in life comes with a price. Everything.

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