don’t judge me!

Contemplating about writing this post because I just don’t know what I want to say. I feel like I have been going though the motions of life the past week and a half. My heart is heavy and my emotions have been up and down. I know I have periods of negativity in my life but on a whole I would say I try and be optimistic and make the most out of any situation. To be completely honest I have never been a believer in god or a higher power. It just is hard to believe that someone or something could allow for such horrible things to happen in this world. I have always been a believer that things do happen for a reason. (I know this sounds confusing and I don’t ever think I will completely understand myself so don’t bother to analyze or judge me.) People need to experience the good and the bad in life, it is what it is.

As many of you know my four month old nephew was found unresponsive and spent 6 days in Rochester. As of now we do not know what happened and we may never know. What I do know is that my family is amazing! Through all of this heartache and stress we managed to come together and do what we needed to do. Our goal was to be there for Joe, Anjie, Abbigail, and Dylan in any way that we could. No one knows what to do in this situation but we did our best. Took turns staying at the hospital, playing with Abbigail, underwear shopping at Target (back and forth in the store), driving Strong Memorial Hospital, praying all each in our own ways, holding Dylan, and sitting in silence. Whatever was needed everyone made it happen. So I am trying to figure out why did our family have to go through this horrible event? All I can come up with is that my family could handle it. We are still trying to find our way and I am sure many days will struggle to get out of bed but we will because we have to!

I also can not believe how supportive and concerned people have been. Many people in this world just succ, but I guess that are a lot more people that really do care. My family had countless phone calls, text messages, emails, facebook messages, and cards sent by family, friends, and even strangers. We received flowers, gift cards, donations, and people even plowed our driveways while we were out of town. The line at the viewing kept going, people waiting 45 minutes outside to offer condolences.

I am going to continue to believe that things happen for a reason because that’s what gets me through difficult days. I am going to enjoy the life I have with my family and friends and not take a moment for granted.



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4 responses to “don’t judge me!

  1. Caren

    I have believed thing happen for a reason as well. I had embraced that lesson after losing my father at such a young age (both he and I) I have said it for years now. I also add to it, that we may not see the reason or reasons for a long time, but they are there. It’s so hard to try and draw anything remotly positive or lesson like, in losing such a young loved one. And that is exactly what he was, a loved one. That baby boy was so, so very loved in the brief time he was here. It was obvious to anyone and everyone who had the honor to see it. Your family is well loved and respected and for very good reason. Your family is stronger than most. Not that you should have to deal with such pain and loss for it. lesser tradgedy would have rocked weaker. But I do believe that Dylan has also brought together an army of new people to help support the organizations and groups that helped in the time. We will forever honor his spirit and memory by doing what we can for the groups who do much for others- children’s miracle network, Ronald McDonald House, Strong and others I’m sure I’m not even aware about. I also believe that when our loved ones spirits leave us, as hard as it is we need to grieve inour own personal ways and still try to remember that because energy isn’t created or destroyed-it simply changes form- their energy, their spirit is all around us and still part of the universe we all share.

  2. Dee (Daveria)

    We will never EVER judge you. There is nothing wrong with having different beliefs. As a new mom with a 4 month old as well, when I read what happened to your nephew I cried and held my son a lil closer. Noone knows when their time is up, and for one so young to be taken so soon..smh. Your family is strong, and in a time like now your all needed to help each other heal. My condolences again to your family.

  3. Cathy Seymou

    Oh Jenn I can’t imagine the grief your family has too go through. It’s just not the same as losing your father or nephew. My heart breaks for u and your family. As a nurse the pain is a hard loss. Those that have lived there lives helps too make it easier as you can say they lived a good life but the young do not have that option. As the saying goes only the good die young. My heart breaks for u and your family. My God give u the solace that is needed.

  4. Marcy

    When I heard that Dylan was in the hospital, my heart was heavy and my prayers asked for his angels to protect and keep him safe.
    I thought of his mom & dad and their pain and as his aunt knowing too much about medicine and trying to keep the negative prognoses away.
    I felt very badly for all of your family having to go through this terrible ordeal.
    What can one say or do? Sometimes nothing, just being present or available is the “thing to do”.
    I know from prior posts you have an awesome family! And from your above writing everyone helped each other.
    I am very sorry you and yours have to go forward without Dylan. I have kids and grandkids of my own and understand the emotions.
    Your beliefs are your own. To others, they should not be good, bad or indifferent. Regardless, anyone who does believe cannot understand or fathom why little one’s lives are cut short.
    But because I do have that belief, I would like to think that he gave the love, joy, and happiness to all who knew him, and his purpose was that.
    My heartfelt sorrow for your loss Jen.
    I will him in my prayers along with all of your family for comfort and peace during this very painful time.
    Yours in friendship ~

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